BOBBY: Frank Devereaux. He's a jackass and a lunatic...
...but he's also a surveillance expert.
Frank, dig up some dirt on Richard Roman. That night, I was burned off every IP I had.
- Ears on my phone, eyes on my house. - Dick's got people watching you?
Frank! Don't shoot, we're coming in.
FRANK: Who's to say this ain't the day they come for old Frank-Who-Knew-Too-Much?
DEAN: Bobby? Hey!
Your time's up.
ANNIE: Bobby, you ran away from your reaper.
[YELLING]
- Hi, boys. You can see me? - Bobby?
- What were you thinking? - We still have work to do.
It's not right. You know that.
What was I thinking?
- What do you think we should do? - I don't know.
Everything is supposed to end. He was supposed...
Now...
What are the odds this ends well?
What are the odds?
Yeah, I hear you. All right. Well, thanks for looking. Yep, bye.
Nora didn't see any pattern to the dig sites, either.
Yeah, because they got nothing in common.
I got nothing from local lore 50 miles in every direction of all of them.
It's just old dirt.
What's Dick looking for?
Hey, go easy, you idiots.
Sorry for the jump scare.
How does this work? I leave the cap off and you just genie your way out?
I wish it were that easy. The thing...
Bobby?
Damn it.
It's hard to stay focused. I'm kind of worn out.
- You've been pretty busy for a dead guy. - All right, listen.
I don't know how long before my next ghost nap, so let's just skip to the skinny.
Those numbers I gave you...
- The empty lot in Cheeseville? - It ain't gonna be empty for long.
I got a gander at Dick's big plan, right before he Lincolned me.
They're breaking ground...
- What month is it? - Uh, April.
Ground's broke.
They're surveying. They're getting ready to build something.
- Build what...? - Exactly. What?
They're building as we're yammering. Check it out yourself.
It's all right. You guys missed it because you've been kind of busy...
...killing ghosts the past few days.
But Dick is about to get into the Soylent Green business.
That site will show you they're building a biotech lab. Right?
Biotech, my ass.
That sucker is a state-of-the-art slaughterhouse. And we're the beef.
Don't you think that's a little bold, even for Dick?
I bet no one will even notice.
He's gonna dumb us all down with turducken-style munchies. Make us docile.
- It's in the meat. - We haven't been to Biggerson's...
...since that whole fiasco. - Biggerson's?
- He's bought a list ofjoints ten pages long. - Ah.
Next, he's gonna cure us.
- Cure us of what? BOBBY: All the biggies.
Cancer, AIDS, heart disease.
Let's just say they got an affinity for stem cell research.
The, uh, Leviathan real estate mooks, building that cancer center.
- It's going to be a research center. - Research for what?
They're not hunting anymore. They're engineering the perfect herd.
With the very first dose, starts to work on the DNA, slowing the metabolism...
... causing weight gain and inapting their emotional range...
... which makes them perfectly complacent.
We gone up against plenty, liked to eat a few folk in the woods. This ain't that.
This is about knocking us off the top of the food chain.
This is about them Levis living here forever, one-percenter style...
...while we march our dopey, fat asses...
...down to the shiny new death camps at every corner.
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
SAM: It's an e-mail...
...from Frank.
- Frank's alive? - That jackass, always stealing my thunder.
"Sam and Dean, if you're reading this, I'm dead.
Or worse.
This e-mail was sent because some prince is trying to hack into my hard drive...
...right this second. So unless it's you, you got trouble.
Um, ahem. Okay. My drive is full of compromising info. Your new aliases...
...hangouts, where you stored your car..." - Baby?
Even though he encrypted his drive, he says we should assume...
...that someone can hack into it eventually.
He did put a tracking device in it.
All right, let's see where Frank's drive is.
Perfect.
It's in the middle of the Death Star.
[KATRINA & THE WAVES' "WALKING ON SUNSHINE" PLAYING ON HEADPHONES]
[MUSIC STOPS]
How'd it go last night?
Charlie. It's a moral imperative you let me live vicariously through you.
Pictures or it didn't happen, right?
You hooked up at a charity benefit?
If you can't score at a reproductive rights function, then you simply cannot score.
Wait, is that legal?
We were two consenting adults.
No. That.
Why do you insist on breaking the law on company property?
- Hmm, faster internet connection here. - Lf Pete finds out, he's gonna fire you.
- Or get you arrested. - Teddy Bear Pete? Please.
You know I've been doing this for, like, a month. I can cover my tracks, Harry.
- Trust me. PETE: Charlie.
My office. Now.
- I love you. - I know.
Charlie Bradbury.
Dick.
Sit.
Charlie, I've been running things for, well, feels like since before the dawn of man.
I always had a vision.
And I'm close to realizing that dream.
I don't wanna brag, but the world is my dinner plate.
I don't want anything to jeopardize that.
Definitely not the actions of one tiny little person.
Sir, I can fix this. Please don't fire me.
- What's she talking about? - Uh...
Is that about hacking those Super PACs?
Because that was adorable.
How does a high school dropout become one of the brightest minds at Roman, Inc?
Um...
Honestly? Historically, I've had this problem with authority, no offense...
...so I realized that the only way I could get away with being me was to be...
...as indispensable as possible.
Sorry.
You're kind of completing me right now, Charlie.
You have that spark. That thing that makes humans so special.
Not everyone has it, you know.
Those people, they can be replaced. But people like you are impossible to copy.
- Copy? - Take the compliment.
This belonged to one Frank Devereaux.
Thought he could bring down the whole company. He was wrong.
Let's keep him wrong. It's encrypted, or whatever you crazy kids say these days.
- Break it open and bring it to me. - Yeah, I'm on it. And thank you.
You're welcome.
You have three days or you're fired.
Good talk.
Is this real life?
Uh...
Dick Roman gave me an assignment.
Is that... good?
It means the eye of Sauron is on me.
Well, if you need anything, I'll be back in the Shire.
All right, H. It's just you and me now.
COMPUTER: How about a nice game of chess?
Wait a second.
Seriously? WarGames?
Shall we play a game, bitches?
That was hardly the Chamber of Secrets, right? Booya.
COMPUTER: Shall we play a game?
Nice try, Zero Charisma.
[SIGHS]
And back to square one.
SAM: Let's see where Frank's drive is.
Perfect.
It's in the middle of the Death Star.
All right, well, off to Chicago.
No, wait, boys. You can't just break in. They know your mugs.
What if we mailed in the flask? Then I could ghost through the joint.
It's not like Dick can kill me twice.
What, you got a better plan?
Come on. Just because I'm dead, doesn't mean I don't know how to do my damn job.
Bobby, that's Dick's office.
I think what Sam is trying to say is, what happens if you run into Dick and...
You know, go vengeful.
You know that's not something you can just shake off.
Come on. Give me some credit.
What, I'm supposed to just ride the pine?
Sorry, Bobby.
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
Did you go home last night?
I'll get us some coffee. I assume you want some crack in yours.
Yes, please.
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
Finally.
Who is this d-bag?
Don't do it.
Roman said to bring it right to him.
You're right, H. You're always right.
What the frak's a Leviathan?
FRANK: The thing to know about Leviathan is these monsters are as old as time...
... strong as all get-out...
- sodium borate, commonly known as Borax. Splash liberally...
- decapitation is key. And put that head in a box...
- the superman of monsters...
- don't use backup. Send it to the moon if you can...
If they die, they don't die easy.
- Your memory, the works.
Top boss is Mr. Dick Roman.
He runs the show.
Cut one, you see black goo.
We're through the looking glass. Blood is black and black is blood.
Don't turn your back, get out of the building, get out of the country.
HARRY: How goes it?
Pretty sure I spent the last 24 hours hacking into a loony bin. Where's Pete?
Uh, probably snuck down to the garage for a smoky treat.
How's it going with that drive?
Uh, great. Charlie was here all night.
That drive's very important to me. I'm gonna want a watchful eye kept.
- Well, I will do just that. - No. You won't.
Bruce Springsteen. Eli Manning. Our own little Charlie.
You know what they are? Irreplaceable.
You're more of a Tim Tebow, Joe Biden type.
You got no spark in you.
In fact, there's nothing in you...
...except Daryl's dinner.
[GROWLS]
[GASPS]
[CELL PHONE BUZZES]
Hey, Pete. Sorry I left without telling you.
No, I just wasn't feeling well. It's a... lady thing.
I will be in first thing.
Gotta go, cramps.
- It's all right. I'm not gonna hurt you. - Get away from me, you...
- Shapeshifter! - We're not shapeshifters.
Jeez.
We're not Leviathans. Okay? You want us to prove it?
- You know what Borax does to them? - Yeah.
Sam?
Huh?
Your turn.
Good.
Who the hell are you guys?
NARRATOR: America, a nation of greatness.
A nation of hard-working individuals.
And rest assured, no one works harder for you than SUCROCORP.
Here at SUCROCORP...
... your well-being is our number one priority.
SUCROCORP. Eat well, live well.
CHARLIE: So you're saying you guys are monster hunters?
So there are other monsters?
Stop. Never mind. Just...
Okay, I get how you tracked the drive. Straight GPS. But it's still at the office.
How did you find me?
[SAM CLEARS THROAT]
Ugh. Son of a gun jacked my webcam?
Welcome to Frank.
That's creepy, but I'll give it to him.
So you're telling me everything he had on his drive is true?
- That and more. - Wait.
How long did it take you to crack into Frank's drive?
A day or so.
- Is there anything you can't hack into? - Not yet.
- How about Dick Roman's e-mail? - Why would l...?
- Oh, he's one of them. - No. Uh, he's their leader.
So what's the endgame? Steal our resources, make us his slaves?
Planet-wide Value Meal. We're the meat.
Heh. You can't be... serious.
Okay. All right. Let's do this. What am I looking for?
DEAN: Well, for starters, uh, anything about archaeological dig sites.
Like Indiana Jones stuff?
All we know is that Dick's been digging all over the world...
...and we need to know what he's looking for.
You know, I was having a really good week. I met someone.
Downloaded the new Robyn album. Everything was coming up me.
- Oh, crap. - Look. We get it sucks...
No, not that. This. Dick's e-mail isn't on the company server.
- It's on a private one. In his office. - Meaning?
You can't get in it unless you have his phone or you're at his desk.
So if we're inside Dick's office...
...we can hack into his e-mail? - You can't. Only someone like...
But I sure as hell ain't doing it. I am doing my job and...
What are the chances I see everything on that drive and Dick lets me live anyway?
I think you know.
So I erase the drive first.
Protect me and you, then I go back to my old life. Right?
- What? DEAN: It's not that easy.
You're on Dick's radar, which means you don't have an old life anymore.
I'm gonna die.
I should've taken that job at Google.
Look, Charlie. It's okay if you can't do it. I mean, you didn't volunteer for this.
Totally. Exactly.
But now I volunteer.
- What? - I gotta go back in anyways...
...to wipe Frank's drive. Might as well break into Dick's office too.
Are you sure?
No. But these things are gonna eat everyone I know.
What kind of douchebag stands by for that?
However, I've never broken into anything in real life before. So plan?
- You got a Bluetooth? - Yeah.
Security system, can you get into that?
I can reroute any surveillance cameras we need.
Let's start with that.
Do you have a keycard to get into the building?
Uh, yeah, I can't duplicate it, but I can make a fake tag...
- How's it going? - Great, since she set all this up.
Um, look. Ahem.
See this? I can put each camera on a prerecorded loop.
- Once I do that, she'll have 15 minutes. - Fifteen minutes ain't a lot of time.
She said if it took longer to hack his desktop then she deserved to be eaten.
I like her.
Wait, is that?
Son of a bitch.
- What? - Look at her bag.
Bobby. You think he, uh...
Hitched a ride after we told him to cool his jets? Yeah.
- What the hell is he thinking? - He's not.
- Do we call it off? - We only got one shot at this.
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
Charlie, it's Dean, are you singing?
- I sing when I'm nervous. Don't judge me! - Judgment-free zone.
Listen, uh, check the side pocket in your bag.
CHARLIE: Oh.
Thank you.
- Mm. Good idea. DEAN: Yeah, no problem.
Look, that's, uh, kind of family heirloom. It's a good-luck charm. So don't lose it.
Copy that.
Okay.
Let's do this.
Uh, Charlie?
- Uh, Charlie? - I'm having a hard time moving.
You can do this.
Uh, I'm not a spy.
I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it.
- Charlie, hey, it's Sam. - I'm sorry, Sam, I just...
It's okay, uh, listen, who's your favorite Harry Potter character?
Uh, Hermione.
Hermione. Well, uh, did Hermione run when Sirius Black was in trouble?
- Or when Voldemort attacked Hogwarts? - Seriously?
- Shut up. - No. Of course not.
What did she do?
She kicked ass.
She actually saves Harry in practically every book...
...then she ends up with the wrong... - Uh, stay on track. So she kicked ass, right?
So, what are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna kick it in the ass. - Heh. Good girl.
You go, Dumbledork.
[BEEPS]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
I'm in. I've always wanted to say that.
You're on the clock. Move.
Hey. There's a big-ass guard up here blocking the door. What do I do?
Just wait him out.
He's not going anywhere.
Okay. Uh, you work there every day. Do you know the guy?
I guess. I've seen him, I never talked to him.
Okay, when you see him does he look at you, orjust kind of slide his eyes by?
Um...
Eye contact? I don't know, he always kind of smiles a bit. I don't really...
DEAN: Good. You're gonna walk up to him...
...and flirt your way past.
I can't. He's not my type.
- You gotta play through that. - As in he's not a girl.
Oh. Oh.
Pretend he has boobs.
- Worse. - I don't know, uh...
...do you have any tattoos? Give him a sneak peek there.
All tattoos are sexy.
Mine is Princess Leia in a slave bikini, straddling a twenty-sided die.
I was drunk. It was Comic-Con.
We've all been there. Okay, I'm gonna walk you through this.
[SIGHS]
Let's start with a smile. Relax.
Charlie, you just got home, and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you.
Oh.
- Can I help you, miss? - Hey, Bill.
- Charlie from IT. - Oh. Burning the midnight oil, huh?
Just like you. I mean, when you're not at the gym.
Do you work out with all your free time?
Heh. I try to hit the gym at least three days a week. To get back to my fighting weight.
It shows. You look amazing.
CHARLIE: It shows, you look amazing. - This never happened.
Do anything else with your free time? Like take a girl for a drink?
Do anything else with your free time? Like...
Stop laughing, Sammy.
Um, you don't know that bar? Stop Laughing, Sammy?
That place is bringing sexy back.
Stop talking, Charlie.
Stop talking, Charlie. Right. So, um...
...you were saying, about going out, drinks?
- Um, yeah, that would be great. - Cool.
Pencil that in. Hey, can I ask a favor?
The ladies room downstairs is nasty.
Can I use the Exec Washroom to powder my nose?
Yeah. Why not? Um, right down the hall, first door on the right.
[CHUCKLES]
- I feel dirty. - You and me both, sister.
- The eagle is landing. Going radio silent. - Let us know when you're out.
- So I guess we just wait? - Yeah.
Your password is "winning," with two ones? Fail.
Okay, let's Yoda this.
[DOOR CLOSES]
- Hey, you! - What are you doing in here?
- You said first door on the left, right? - No, I said first door on the right.
Oh. Silly me, I'm always forgetting things.
Do you know what else I forgot to do?
Give you my phone number.
Uh, we really shouldn't be in here, Mr. Roman doesn't like people in his office.
I'm sure. Have you seen his bathroom?
Gotta go, call me.
This is awesome. You know what, new plan.
From now on, we stay in the van and send in the 90-pound girl.
Dean, every Chomper on Earth knows our face.
How many you think are in that building? We wouldn't make it past the lobby.
Yeah, I know. Doesn't mean I gotta be happy about sending in fricking Veronica Mars.
She'll be fine.
Or we'll go in.
And get as far as we can. Damn right.
CHARLIE: Hey, guys? - Hey.
Sending you all the flagged dig files now.
- Charlie, you're a genius! - I know. It's a problem.
[DOOR OPENS]
Damn it.
Hey, Pete! Guess we're both on deadline, huh?
PETE: How's it going?
Good, good, I'll give you a full progress report in a few hours.
Great. Hit that deadline, right?
Well, holler if you need anything.
- Hey, guys? Still there? - Yeah, the hell was that?
Oh, just my manager, the monster.
- Leave. - I can't. I gotta act normal.
I told him I was working. Let's just finish this.
- Hey, are you seeing this? - Looks like Dick stopped digging days ago.
- Why? - Guess he found what he was looking for.
- Can you check...? CHARLIE: Way ahead of you.
Looking at travel reports, expenses...
Here we go. Something in a suitcase left Iran last week.
Spent the last 72 hours in armored cars and private planes.
Whatever it is, it's coming here. For Dick. Tonight.
- So, what the hell is it? - Whatever it is, he wants it bad.
We gotta grab it. End of story.
Well, it's landing at a private airport near here. Crap. Right about now.
A courier's set to pick it up.
- Landing time? - Forty-two minutes. Can you make it?
We can try. Uh, all right, Charlie, one more favor then get out of there.
Outstanding.
- You'll call when the package is in hand? VICTOR [OVER PHONE]: Absolutely.
I'm here, waiting.
In fact, I've got time for a light snack.
[CHARLIE GASPS]
DICK: Hey, Charlie.
I was hoping I'd find you here.
- Hey, watch it. MAN: Sorry.
So now what?
I've been looking for this a very, very long time.
[BEEPING]
Now who could've done that?
- A courier's set to pick it up. - Landing time?
- Forty-two minutes. Can you make it? - We can try.
- Uh, one more favor then get out of there. - What do you need?
More time.
Then let's get you some.
Travel department's e-mailing Dick.
"Suitcase still en route, but diverted by weather and will be 30 minutes late."
I'll mop you off the drive, and get the hell out of Dodge.
- Call us when you're clear. - I'll text you from the border, bro.
- Hey, watch it. MAN: Sorry.
Hey, watch it.
[GASPS]
Hey, Charlie. I was hoping I'd find you here.
- Um, hey, Mr. Roman. - Please...
...Dick.
Pete, we're good here. Why don't you go grab a bite?
Show me what you've found.
- So now what? - See what we've won.
- Did we just steal a hunk of red clay? - That's a good question.
We'll answer that a few thousand miles from here.
Where's Charlie?
[BUZZING]
So there's nothing about my company?
Oh. What about a Sam or a Dean?
- I'm sorry, who? - Sam and Dean Winchester.
Give it a little peek, would you?
BOBBY: Dick Roman.
Come on. The girl's right there.
Worry about her.
Is it me, or did it just drop ten degrees in here?
- Bit nippy, yeah. - I'll have maintenance check the a.c.
I can't have you cold, now, can I?
You miserable...
Damn it, Bobby. Come on...
Nothing about those Winchesters.
If items were deleted from the drive, would you be able to tell?
Not if they were deleted properly.
When they're crafty.
- Have all the data sent to me. - Of course.
- So, really, how did you do it? - Um, do what?
You broke the unbreakable. What's the thought process? Walk me through it...
...and ixnay the jargon.
Um...
Nothing's unbreakable, really.
Nothing's safe if you poke at it long enough.
DICK: "Nothing's safe." I like that.
But that isn't what I'm asking, Charlie.
Your spark, it's one in a million.
Believe me, but when you got it you invent...
...guns and iPads and viruses and you can be crafty. What is that, Charlie?
I could feed every fact in your brain to someone else...
...they still wouldn't be able to be you.
I guess you can't clone me.
Don't think that doesn't piss me off.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Yes?
Fantastic. Bring it to my office, I'll be right there.
I think we're on to something here. Stay here, will you?
Be back in two shakes.
[BEEPING]
"Nothing is safe," apparently.
Lock the building down. Now.
[DOOR CLICKS]
[CHARLIE GASPS]
Hold on there, Charlie.
[BOTH GRUNT]
Dean! He's one of them!
[YELLING]
That would explain it. Hanging with the wrong crowd, kiddo.
Not so fast, Dick.
[GRUNTS]
[DICK GROWLS]
All right, enough, show yourself.
Let's do this like real monsters.
[GRUNTS]
[LAUGHS]
You gotta do that again, that tickles.
Dean, come on, come on.
- Charlie, talk to us. You okay? - No.
- Why didn't you kill him? - We can't yet.
But we will.
The really evil ones always need a special sword.
Oh. Okay. I'm gonna pass out now.
Because they have it! Now get it back!
- Before they figure the damn thing out! - Please, sir. Don't bib me.
Bib you? Why would I waste a perfectly good meal?
- Thank you. - Thanks.
I left your dumb flask on the back seat, by the way.
Worst good-luck charm ever.
- There you go. - Thanks.
- So listen, um, we can't thank you enough. - Actually, you can.
Never contact me again. Like, ever. Deal?
Deal. Heh.
- You keep your head down out there. - This ain't the first time I've disappeared.
You think my name is really Charlie Bradbury? Please.
So good luck saving the world.
Peace out, bitches.
She's kind of like the little sister I never wanted.
[SAM CHUCKLES]
We gotta talk.
You mean before we get back to the car, and the flask?
Exactly.
- So, what happened in the lobby, Dean? - Man, if I'd had a free shot...
...I'd have bitch-slapped the hell out of Dick.
Yeah, but, I mean, Charlie got her arm broken.
- He didn't mean to do it. - Exactly.
He's not in control. Not about Dick.
- That was vengeful-spirit crap. - I know.
- But it's still Bobby. - But if he goes there he won't be anymore.
And we won't be able to pull him back.
- And then what are we supposed to do? - I know.
Let's just figure out what that thing we stole is.
Then figure out what to do with Bobby.
[Ripped by stlc8tr - 2012.10.05]